Undeniably Single- a guest post by Kayla

I have the pleasure of sharing an excellent article written by my dear friend, Kayla. This subject is probably one of the most frequently considered among young women. It is important, however, that while we cherish the desires God has given us, we also seek to glorify Him while waiting productively for Him to reveal His will regarding that particular dream, redeeming our time which He has given.

I hope you will enjoy reading about a proposed reaction to being...

Undeniably Single

I have chosen the subject of singleness to write on today because I have noticed a general misconception that I have felt led to reconsider.

For young Christian women who are high school graduates, expert seamstresses, masters at culinary art, housecleaning extraordinaires, walking childcare encyclopedias, and wonderful mother's helpers... what now? We are 19, 20, and 21, we are ready to be married and start a family of our own, equipped to strike out on life's journey, prepared to leave and cleave to our husband... if we could only find him.

Almost every girl I know is Undeniably Single. No prospects, no lookers, no hope.

So, where are all the men?

Let's take a step back and ask ourselves what kind of men we're looking for. As young Christian women, we each have a list of requirements (whether we realize it or not). If you've read Voddie Baucham's What He Must Be... If He Wants to Marry My Daughter, your list of requirements may include:

-Priest

-Prophet

-Provider

-Protector

Let's look at the first requirement. He must be our priest, able to lead us in the Word of God, teach, and disciple us in Scripture reading. In order to be able to do this for a wife, he must be able to do this for himself. This quality is something that is cared for, nurtured, strengthened, and finally put to the test when the man, himself, believes he is ready.

Requirement number two is Prophet. He must be wise enough in his interpretations of the Scriptures that he makes appropriate life choices and accurately applies the Word to his life. This, too, takes time and care.

Third is Provider. This is obvious, considering our generally accepted (amongst Christian/homeschool families) philosophy that the men should provide, and the women should handle the home. Most men pursuing higher education will obtain their degrees somewhere around the ages of 22-26. They will also probably need to pay off their schooling, get a job, and save enough money to secure the necessary things in life (such as housing and car). Though there are exceptions, I think we should remember that it will be difficult for guys younger than 24-28 to be ready to provide for us. 

Finally, we've gotten to Protector. I think most men who fit the rest of these requirements are going to have this one down pat. (Because one of those requirements is, “Owns at least ten guns and has his Concealed Carry Permit,” right?!) While firearms are useful, a true protector also uses wisdom and discretion on a daily basis, in the decisions of life that affect his family and I believe he should be confident in his ability to do so.

What is my reason for rambling on so? Simply because we girls feel we are ready to get married now, does not mean the men are. We have probably all heard many times about using our singleness to glorify God, so I will not reiterate that in my own words. However, it's clear that marriages founded on little maturity are not pleasing to God. In my opinion, it is presumptuous to expect the men in our lives to begin “looking” until they are ready – until they have mastered the qualities that we require of them.

Do we not look down upon men who play with girls' emotions but are in no way ready to commit to marriage? Why, then, do we not hold “uninterested” men in higher regard for keeping themselves focused on developing the above listed qualities before expressing interest in a relationship deeper than friendship? We should not stand on our pedestal and condemn the men who “play around” and then also condemn the men who “don't seem to even notice us”.

Furthermore, (and perhaps most importantly) are we content with the life God has given us RIGHT NOW? Are we content that we are able to focus on becoming the kind of woman that God has required of us, whether that eventually ends in marriage or not?

Though many of us girls have been to taught the skills of a homemaker so that we will be ready for our husbands, I firmly believe that we should not be learning these things because we assume that marriage is in our future. Instead, I propose that we perfect these qualities so we are able to serve others. Let us strive to improve and give of ourselves for the glorification of God and the betterment of others. Whether it is to our husband or a stranger we meet outside of Walmart, we should be equally willing to assist them in any way possible; they should both be an equally strong desire within our hearts. Because, if God does not lead any men to pursue us, how will we respond?